Fuck appropriateness.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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