Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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