i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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