How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
