I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Drunk is not a location!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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