Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
