well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
