I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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