Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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