So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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