shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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