Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
