Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
