I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
