I am puke
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
