I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
