That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
