Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
