I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
