Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
