My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
