I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
