I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
