Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
