You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
