Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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