Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
