What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
