I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
