sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
