Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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