her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
