i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
