I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
