I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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