Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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