u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
