I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
