Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
