you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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