I got chris browned last night
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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