i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
