he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize