I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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