direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
