This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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