i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
