I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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