I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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