Non-Jews are for practice
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
