I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize