i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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