How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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