what day is it and did you see me today?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I supernannyed him into submission
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
