It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
