Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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