Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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