Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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