I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
