Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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