I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
