You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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