If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
