when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am available for nakedness
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
