I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
