You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
