i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
