Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
