Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I intend to get homeless drunk
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
